you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
