How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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