New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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