i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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