how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
