i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
