I want to make a zoo with you.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my shit smells like andre
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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