there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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