I think I won the penis lottery.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
