i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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