it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
