i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
