I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
