i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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