I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
