Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
