i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
