fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he thought i was a dude.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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