great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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