I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
