I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
