So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
