Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
