The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize