Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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