new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
