I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
