I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
do herpes really smell.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
