What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
