I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
