there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
