Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
