i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
