Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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