I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
