Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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