Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
