Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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