Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
