I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
