Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
