dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
