If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
