A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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