I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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