New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
