Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
