Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
