i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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