Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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