What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
